A friend passed along info for a opening position at the ONION looking for a part-time contributor with their "fake sports" video section of their website. This was a few months back, and I only had a couple days to write up 20 story jokes that could sustain a 2-3 min video. Anyway I was super excited because it would have been pretty amazing to say I wrote for the Onion. How awesome does that sound. "Oh, me. What do I do? I just write for the the Onion - You've heard of it? You love it? You want to sleep with me? Thank you but - I can't. Or -- I shouldn't. You and your wife...like a threesome -- but i'm straight and i'm kind of awkward -- plus your teen age daughter wants a piece. umm well" Believe it or not that conversation never happened. The reality is I did not hear back. I do not work at the Onion. But I will leave you with my 20 submissions a few at a time. They might be terrible. Some definitely are, but hey they all can't be gold. These were just the easiest ones to photoshop.
Tiki’s life was great in 2007. He wants you to remember the good times, so he’ll be making a nationwide tour of 99 cent stores throughout the country and promoting his autobiography penned in 2007, three years before his life took a smelly dump.
World champion NFL QB, Drew Brees, has a lot of explaining to do as sports fans are wondering why his signature birthmark is now on the opposite side of his face. The never spoken about birthmark is suddenly thrust into the spotlight. Awkward.