Wednesday, June 8, 2011

My Virtual Baby

I stumbled upon this virtual baby being birthed online. First terrified. Then it got me thinking...

What does it all mean? Is it fate? The Universe must be trying to tell me something, right? By randomly finding  this baby in the vast, limitless oceans of content on the internets I feel like I witnessed some miraculous event, some animator (or creator of sorts) birthed out into the virtual world, this child.

I can only assume, solely based on my lack of a father figure, this baby was born into this callous, insensitive world with no one to look after it. Most likely the mother and father in this scene were created merely for the scene itself.  They are lifeless.  Frozen in post-birth.  Happy maybe?  Sad, frightened...of course.  But, they are unable to move on from this time.  Forever stuck in this frame.  The baby...forever a baby.

But, what if there was another option? What if the baby didn't have to be stuck in this frame at all... what if this baby could grow up. I'll tell you what this baby needs a father!  And that someone should be me!  Someone should make sure that this once bastard of a baby grow up to be a virtual toddler, then teenager, grow pubes, and hopefully make it through college, get a decent job, fall in love and raise a baby of his/her own. That is the hope anyway. I would like to welcome into this sick and dreadful world my first born. Baby Winston "Sox Suck" Robinson-Peete-Pausz.

His mother, Cindy, reeking of post-pregnancy Absinthe, hands Winston over to me. Careful, Cindy, he's all I got.


  1. I hope you give your ugly fat, rabid baby a better life than the one this crack-head chick would have given, Congratulations though-Good Luck!!
    P.S. Did I mention that your baby is unique and fugly.

  2. thanks for the support BIL! It takes a virtual village to raise a virtual baby. And there's so much scary shit on the internet it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

  3. I'm sorry I missed the birthing! My internet was down. I gotta say bro, you will make a good baby daddy whether the child is in organic or digital form. This virtual baby will have access to a lot of porn in it's world along with shitty blogs and over intrusive social media so I hope you have a plan to guide this precious entity into safe zones. One good thing about not being human is that it will be devoid of some of mankind's shortcomings such as irrationality, exploitation and selfishness. Good luck little cyber baby and may no one adversely scramble your software program

  4. whats the games name

  5. oh wow u really want a baby go have one


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