Fun on Craigslist

So, I just came across this email chain from '09 where I responded to a Craigslist Post looking for a little person to work a birthday party.  It sounded degrading so I thought it was my duty to mess with them.

*I wish I had the original post - but basically they were in need of a little person to serve drinks or jump on a trampoline, I can't really remember but it pissed me off.

Here's my first response and so on:

Hi,

I am a little person. I can lift up to 200 pounds, but I prefer to only lift 100 pounds if I'm at a b-day party. How many kids do you want me to lift at once? Please let me know when so I can start training. Awesome. I charge 20 dollars an hour but I will do it for  free if you provide good food. No tacos. They make me sick to my stomach. I puke easily. Sweet. This sounds like fun. Can I ask you a favor? Do you think I can spend the night cuz I plan on getting really drunk. Cool, hit me back up. 

Thanks,

Alice


*attached this photo: 

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Hi Alice,

It's nice to meet you. You won't have to lift anything or anyone. I will gladly pay you $20 per hour. I will provide dinner, just let me know what your favorite thing to eat is, and I'll have it there for you. Are you local to Pasadena?

Jaime

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*I did not respond

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Alice,

If you are still interested, please call me or email me your number. Thank you.

Jaime

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nah, i gotta move to Egypt. GOod luck!

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Thanks for fucking with me....

My Virtual Baby

I stumbled upon this virtual baby being birthed online. First terrified. Then it got me thinking...
















What does it all mean? Is it fate? The Universe must be trying to tell me something, right? By randomly finding  this baby in the vast, limitless oceans of content on the internets I feel like I witnessed some miraculous event, some animator (or creator of sorts) birthed out into the virtual world, this child.

I can only assume, solely based on my lack of a father figure, this baby was born into this callous, insensitive world with no one to look after it. Most likely the mother and father in this scene were created merely for the scene itself.  They are lifeless.  Frozen in post-birth.  Happy maybe?  Sad, frightened...of course.  But, they are unable to move on from this time.  Forever stuck in this frame.  The baby...forever a baby.

But, what if there was another option? What if the baby didn't have to be stuck in this frame at all... what if this baby could grow up. I'll tell you what this baby needs...it needs a father!  And that someone should be me!  Someone should make sure that this once bastard of a baby grow up to be a virtual toddler, then teenager, grow pubes, and hopefully make it through college, get a decent job, fall in love and raise a baby of his/her own. That is the hope anyway. I would like to welcome into this sick and dreadful world my first born. Baby Winston "Sox Suck" Robinson-Peete-Pausz.

His mother, Cindy, reeking of post-pregnancy Absinthe, hands Winston over to me. Careful, Cindy, he's all I got.

Paul Bunyan

Alright, alright. I haven't been blogging in quite a long time. Just to catch you up Chris, I've been hammering away night and day putting the final touches on my newest feature script. I'm really proud of it. By far the best script I've ever been a part of. And now hopefully I will get back to blogging full time.

As you recall our pal Joey Buchanan Clary wrote a little skit for you and Mom to perform in while you visited California... and now it's all finished! Thanks to Joey for handing over his computer and making it all possible. Thanks dude! The script was hilarious to work with. (Joe is living up in Seattle now, following his heart and hopefully he'll be back in L.A. before my tears dry.)

Well here it is! Hopefully I did all your amazingly strange talents justice...



I tried playing around with the color correction giving it a heavy contrast/yellowy tint as I thought it would make it more storybook-like. I really had no idea what I was doing, not to mention you probably don't want the guy that's color blind to do your color correcting. So, when I learn more, I'll do some work on it and repost. This was an awesome first project to try out my new camera.  It's officially de-virginized! And I'm glad my family and friends were a part of making that happen. Wait, what... That's gross.  Look forward to mo' videos and possibly a third Chris/Mom vid to complete the much anticipated trilogy...


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Good job on our wacky little video! Tomorrow at the family BBQ I'll make sure everyone watches it.  I'm glad to hear that you finished the script.  I'm sure you're happy to be done with it!                                                                                                                                                                                                 

SoCal Trip

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